SunMoonWolf - Kali's Servant

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2010-01-14T13:34:00.001-08:00

I am like parched roots in the rain-
Urged to soak up, embrace,
Drink hungrily from the mercy of
A well of infinite understanding-
Your nearness inspires my spirit
To the sweetest of aches.

Where once these satine buds
Clung shut and tight, enraged
And teeming with fullness-
Supine petals now unfurl
Shy and lusty in their exuberance...

If I ever never get enough of
Shivers of sublime electricity
A feeling of drowning in
The vastness of intangible corporeal bliss...
Every glance is a frenzy of emotion.

It is never too soon to see you
It is never too late to langour
in the lush colours of love's aurora
Scattered with a random stroke off
The canvas of the heart's horizon.

A seduction fine as spiders silk
A heady fragrance that lingers
Long after you have gone
Reminding me that loneliness
Is a craving that now has found it's
Nourishment.

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2010-01-14T13:11:00.000-08:00

If only I could capture
Like a child's glass jar agape and waiting
for the unsuspecting firefly-
The swelling, tingling
Eviscerating heat
Aroused and imbued from within
Like dry, dusty wick to livid flame
I would hold this beacon aloft
A proclamation to the world...

I am utterly enraptured
Magnetized, blood set a-boil
As if some primal part me knows
This sacred passage-way is now
Yours to wade so lovingly through.
Every cell anticipates the arrival
Of love's chalice at my lips
A wine that obliterates
And sanctifies the shadow of my destiny.

How, I think, could there be any High
Higher than this?
That which has been set ablaze
With eternal fire
Laughs in the face of mortality
I tumble free and unfettered, a weed run amuck
across the landscape of your
Eternal compassion.

I have never known anything to be
More worth the wait.
I am compelled as the worm to
Weave the threads of our umbilicus
Into a sacred cocoon-
And one day, that which has been carefully grown
Shall burst with the urgency of volcanic splendour
Into the most reverent of butterflies.

Thus we shall be carried aloft
On the back of the alchemical magic
That is the wellspring of our co-creation.

Infernos

2010-01-09T21:31:00.001-08:00

Because you're far too precious to kiss-
The mind bends willingly to imagine
A subtle uprising of infernos
Infinitely flaming tendrils cleansing,
Revolting humbly and prostrated against
Shields of caution, mirages conjured
by the mind.

I want to hold each moment tender,
With reverence,
not too tight-
When handling the rarest of birds
One must give it the freedom of flight.
All of me rejoices as the heart of you
flutters close
Like Icarus recklessly hurled toward the light.

And just when I dare to ponder
In moment's as brief
as the shift between the tides,
The searing heat of grazed skin
Ghostly effigies exchanged between
Enraptured gazes and the throbbing of heart strings
A tsunami threatens to engulf me.

For surely,
as sensed by the inner compass,
I would die blissfully to be brought within
All other universes would cease to exist
In a gentle surrender
This clay yearns to be shaped by those hands
And offered lovingly to little death's kiln-
A vessel intended to cradle the heart.

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2010-01-08T13:03:00.001-08:00

With eyes like limpid oceans
crashing with heaviness
Near the precipice of twin black holes-
All of my meaning is absorbed
In this grateful abyss
and returned to me
Transformed.
In every sense,
I long to be as the vine
Twisting, stretching-
Wrapping myself about
The nearest branch
Extended in empathy-
Turning my body towards
The sustenance of your sun.

Lost.

2010-01-05T22:47:00.000-08:00

For what is tenderness, if not an echo
of the way you make me lose control?
A warmth that surpasses all rigidities
And trembles at the very heart of who we think we are?
I. am. not. in panic.
This loss of control is deliberate...
Your gifts are not something I need to own.
The tangible and ephemeral shimmers at the edge
of where our realities meet-
Like mother of pearl caught beneath the waves.
The fleeting fear of falling into you
Is quickly surpassed by my desire to
Jump and let arms and legs go slack, akimbo...
I feel so much
I care not if I should hit the ground.

cacophony

2010-01-05T22:23:00.000-08:00

This painting is one I did when I was trying to describe how it felt to melt into the chaos of freedom...the result is a fluid expression of my emotional landscape.

an absence.

2010-01-05T00:51:00.000-08:00

And as you sat across from me-
One of your eyes looked empty,
wanting,
slightly malnourished.
I realized that I want to feed you.
Drip by drop,
Until replenished-
the light from your soul's eye
Echoing back a recognition
of the rich emptiness between us.
Would you accept this?
My offer to cradle you past
the boundaries that once divided
so painfully...
Or would you turn your face away,
Laughing nervously,
Knowing,
And afraid that I can see through
that veil you call
Serenity?

all we can do now is wait.

New Years Resolutions

2010-01-01T18:45:00.000-08:00

In the year 2010 I want to miraculously find the time to:

-Practice my harp at least 5 hours a week; memorize my first lesson book.
-Learn how to re-string and tune by myself.
-Stop trying to be nice, stop trying to be anything...but me. Ever. I will accomplish this with sublime concentration upon the now, with heart opening intentions ever present. I think I'm already getting pretty good at this one.
-Bury, hide, place, throw, offer dozens more crystal offerings to Mother Earth.
-Practice mandala building and sun/rain dancing.
-Practice building Dahlia's vocabulary, spelling and reading skills with her everyday.
-Blog, journal, creatively write as much as possible so my writing skills don't become whittled down to a pathetic stream of academic platitudes...
-Workout in some capacity 5 days a week whether trail running, jogging in my neighborhood, weight training in the gym, swimming, diving, gotta mix it up!
-Join a pole dancing class that I attend once a month and go with awesome girlfriends.
-Join African/Belly Dancing class that I attend 4 times a month.
-Get flexible enough to touch my palms fully to the ground and beyond.
-BREATHE!!!! slowly and consciously every day.
-Remember that I am everyone I encounter. Obtain the strength to deal with those beings who remind me of the worst parts of 'me.'
-See an Alvin Ailey performance and form a single puddle of quivering joy from the experience.
-Get into the PhD program in Political Science at UCLA please please please PLEASE I want this one more than almost anything else, you hear me universe!!!!
-Learn more about tantric sexuality.
-Be a better listener.
-Always trust my gut instincts.
-Get my yoga teacher certification/start tae so doo, whichever I have time for.
-Eat more salads and fruit while im at school, less pizza and pizza...and pizza.
-Become a published author.
-Start a part-time jewelry company with Kelly that becomes wildly successful, and eventually develops into an online store!!!
-Start a flourishing urban garden as the first G-Project, that becomes part of the urban gardening movement in Santa Monica.
-(Now this one is a maybe) Rejoin the diving team...as a Bruin?! I've already contacted the coach, and if he gives me the go ahead I might have to take him up on his offer.
-Find some sort of new music genre I've never listened to and thoroughly explore that.
-Go on an all girls roadtrip to Oakland...maybe more than once?! (yeeeah Melissa we gon' do it BIG TIME!!!!!)
-Attend two really kick ass concerts that go down as two of the best of my life.
-Dance naked, outdoors...somewhere!!!
-Kiss and hug my daughter a zillion grillion more times. :)
-Wean Dahlia from breast-feeding, for the love of Goddess!!!
-Sing more, where ever.
-Go surfing. It could happen! Its been many years...but it could happen!
-Add at least ten more dishes to my cooking repertoire, two of them being from India.
-Take a sewing series class, buy first sewing machine, make first piece of clothing by machine, cry hysterically, repeat in some fashion. Watch Project Runway obsessively, try to copy their success at home. Have a ridiculously good time in the process.
-Travel somewhere outside of California. It doesn't have to be international but I better be crossin' some borders I tell you what.
-Make it to all my classes on time. This is a MEGA-stretch...but as long as I am getting all my work in on time I suppose I can allow myself some leniency with this one.
-Find one pair of extremely kick ass motorcycle boots, acquire them and stomp around campus like nobody's business.
-Increase my knowledge of classical and jazz music.
-Paint at least one painting a month. Hang on the walls...not allowing them to collect in corners.
-Move into a new house?!?!?!? This one could be BIG.

It will be fun to look back of this list on the dawn of 2011(!!!) and see how many I accomplished...and how many I surpassed by my wildest dreams!!!

Blessings to everyone in 2010. Peace and Love...

A Miracle For The New Year- A Short Story of Inspiration

2009-12-31T17:50:00.000-08:00

Today our family went for an especially long hike in Topanga Canyon. This day will go down in the history of my life as one of the most serendipitous, wonderously momentous events...EVER!!! But I will try to keep it reasonably short...

I was just saying, as we approached in our car, that I felt like the energy of Isis was rising within me. I didn't particularly know what that meant, but it needed no further explanation. We set off on the path, dappled with moss and purple sage, clay crumbling and mud squishing beneath our feet. I began to massage the muscles over the left side of my chest...I felt within me a distant aching, and I realized instantaneously what it meant. I have been an avid sportswoman all my life, and when running or swimming or diving occasionally I would get nasty cramps in that same place. On this day I said out loud, "I think sometimes I get an ache here because this is where I store my fears. Fears that I need to let go of. And I think I am ready to do that- I am ready to open up my heart to whatever is coming." We talked about how we felt like on this day, so auspicious being a full blue moon and a solar eclipse, it was possible to manifest everything our heart's desired in 2010. Whatever seemed out of reach before this moment came leaping suddenly out of shadowed obscurity into the land of sun-lit possibility. We could dream of world peace and sustainable energy and sanity...oh yes real sanity coming through onto this formerly crazy planet...and see it coming true. I mentioned that I would also love to start another jewelry company with my good friend Kelly, and how amazing that could be when all of a sudden...

No more than 100 feet from that spot, still massaging my tender fears away, I stopped abruptly on the path and looked down at my feet. There, hidden underneath the daintiest of green clovers lay a rose quartz crystal the size of a quarter, cut into the shape of a heart! I felt like I might burst with the sheer joy of serendipity. It was as if the universe had shouted back at a million decibels a great yes-saying, as Nietzsche would say. I smirk as I write this, because I promised myself just yesterday that I wouldn't quote, or think about, or write anything about Nietzsche at least until this winter break ends....so much for that!

So there you have it. If you've ever wondered whether dreams come true, a huge affirmation has come to humanity. Our family has traveled the world, very intentionally leaving dozens of crystals buried and hidden in trees and the earth, or left open and exposed for some lucky soul to find. One day, we figured, after years of giving back crystal energy to the Earth Mother, we would be given one back. It couldn't have come at a better time. I have seen and heard so many people express how hard 2009 has been for them, and I think an omen of positivity is needed. Let us all open our hearts to bringing forth those dreams that have been deferred.

On December 21st, the winter solstice, our good friend and wizard Axel Miguez climbed to the top of a Mexican pyramid with a crystal we gave him to offer a blessing to the world. And now, the world responds...someone out there left that heart shaped crystal on that same path knowing consciously or not that we would find it. So in this new year, I wish that everyone out there might find their hearts, in whatever form that may take. Dreams are becoming reality my friends. So dream big...dream infinite.

So much love!!!! Namaste!!!

A poem inspired by the gift of today

2009-12-31T11:19:00.000-08:00

Waiting for Your Touch

I was a tree,
lying wistfully on its side
roots exposed and tingling in the air.
as falling forest debris
settled into my cracks
I waited...alert
for the silent approach of your footsteps.
Each blade of grass
whispered that you're close-
Moss unfurled, curling
impatient as I to see you.
When finally,
your body laid out against mine
legs rested on my limbs
head cradled in the crux
of where trunk meets the sky-
I could hold you forever
skin to bark
eye to gnarled eye
lichen blanketing the most
sensitive parts of you.

So many lessons learned...

2009-12-30T21:51:00.000-08:00

(Note to readers: I actually wrote this yesterday...) My horoscope for today said that the stars were lined up just right for me to do some blogging-and by golly I'm in the mood! Usually I try to pose as though I feel at least partially skeptical about astrology, but quite often I am struck by its prophetic accuracy.

Case and point- I read that very close to the New Year, something would happen (not necessarily with a positive bent) to completely change my perspective on life. So this would be when my inner cynic pipes up and is like "yeah, right, this astrology broad thinks she can make sweeping generalizations about 100's of millions of you Pisces and you're gonna fall for it, huh?" At this point the lil' goblin is really smirking.

I confess, I had a feeling that something was on point about her prediction. So maybe some would say that by believing in it, I in some way contributed to manifesting my reality. Perhaps this is so...but regardless, I was pretty stupified by the way the universe decided to bring about a lesson.

To be brief: some crazy guy in the library threatened, quiet seriously, to choke and decapitate me, after which he claimed he would stomp on said severed head 'like a cigarette butt'- verbatim. After I incredulously inquired whether he was really threatening my life, he whispered soft as a lover that my life was coming minutes closer to ending each minute I spoke to him...oh and did I mention he sustained all of pleasant banter while flipping me off and watching a blaxploitation film? Now that's talent. Oh yes, America's got talent!

Granted, I am not without fault. Just minutes before his tirade I had got on my cell phone, in the library (gasp) because half of the twenty page paper on "why Nietzsche wasn't a Buddhist' that I have been slaving over for a week and a half magically dissapeared into a google document vortex to my utter disbelief. I was distraught, to say the least, and had to call someone to help me out before I crested into the land of panic attack. He didnt appreciate my being on the phone--- My phone call did not, however, warrant having my life threatened...to state the obvious.

Needless to say I handled the situation. I retrieved the rest of my paper, sent it in, and now I am finally on winter break. It is sad, yes, that I am just now catching a moment to relax save for our brief trip to the bay for xmas. But- there are many disco lights a flashin' at the end of this story's tunnel. Ok maybe not disco but...lets just say I learned a few choice lessons after a long hot bath and some quiet contemplation.

It's not like I haven't had previous experience in my life with chauvanist assholes tryin' to bring a sistah down. What was different about this particular experience was my reaction. I don't feel victimized. I don't feel all butt hurt. What I feel, is angry. Good old fashioned, burnin' in my gut, blazing through my eyes, head clearing anger. Not the kind of anger where everything seems blurred, aching and frightening, but the kind that makes me feel perfectly centered about what I want in life.

I suppose in a way its hard to fully explain. But something about what occurred on this rainy LA day- something solidified in me. I am no longer a whimpering young woman, scared and in need of other people's validation and hope. I am my own rock...and I choose to stand firm upon myself. Im pretty sure I learned something else from this day too, but alas, the cherry cider running through my veins makes me less than prolific as a writer. More thoughts tomorrow...

A Short Poem, To Start

2009-12-20T14:12:00.000-08:00

I felt like I needed to write some poetry to 'lube up' the ol' creative passageways for more serious research (as prof finch would say)...so here goes.

Under Water

I want to be taken over-
Like seaweed lost in tidal eddies
Sand tossed livid in spiraling undertows
Whirlpools circling at the edge of the deep.

I cast myself aside, a castaway
Stranded off sharpened coral banks
Smashed flotsam, jetsam, bubbling forth...
Body tossed weakly by the ebb and flow.

Ridges, crests, boundaries undefined
A vast chasm, heated waters rising up-
Wet darkness swirling to
The throbbing syncopation of the Earth.

How heavenly, this liquid escape
So hellish, the depths to which I've sunk...
Only the bravest explorer dives down
In the dangerous pursuit of treasures unknown.

-dedicated to dear Mattimus Sablove...safe travels brother!!!